O..Y...P....

2nd Nov Windy

2010-11-03T04:42:00.002+08:00

Today marks the day of the end of my 4th batch.

This year's batch is particularly worrying, but I'm really glad most of you made it. To those whom I can't help, I apologize, maybe I'm just not good enough as an educator yet. Nonetheless, to the others, I really hope you will remember what I taught you, not just PoA, but my values and beliefs.

I love all of you, and I truly hope after the exam ends, our relationships will evolve from a student and teacher, to friends forever. I will not forget every single one of you, and I wish you all the best in your exams, and your future.

Just as I did with all the previous batches, I will miss all of you.

18th Oct Warm

2010-10-19T02:44:00.002+08:00

I'm sick, having cough, flu and sore throat just before the exams sucks big time. I had to wear mask most of the day when in class, that sucks big time too. On the good side note, some of you have taken the mock papers again, and i noticed a good improvement in most of you, I think you are in a good shape to attempt the papers now. O levels are 3 days away now.

I just taken my flu medicine, and I'm feeling extremely drowsy. I laid on my bed, but I rolled in it for god knows how long. I can't sleep. Insomnia.

Whoever is up there protecting me, pls grant me the strength to learn how to be more tolerating, and more forgiving, and most of all, be much less of an asshole. Medicine expose the worst of me.

DDOJ:

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door..

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning..

Adios!

16th Sept Warm

2010-09-16T02:46:00.002+08:00

Prelims results are mostly out, some of you gotten the marks you deserve, while others might show some lackluster, but continue to work hard k. You have another month to improve that grade you have gotten into something better. Don't belittle the strength and how much you can achieve in 1 month.

For some, I am extremely proud of your results. You guys know who you are. Believe in yourself, believe you can do well. You do not need to prove to others, you just need to prove to yourself that you can achieve.

Once again, I would like to stress the point that my 24 hrs hotline is open, I cannot guarantee a prompt reply, but I will definitely reply you back. If you msg me, and I don't get back to you, then call me. I might have missed it.

Most of all, I hope you guys are all gaining good experience from the last exam, and that will be your best weapon in O levels. Once you understand what you lack, you can improve on it.

Good luck, work hard, to all my important students and ex-students.

DDOJ:

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.

The husband has his lesson first.

After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!"

"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.

"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."

The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.

The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.

The next day the wife goes for her lesson.

The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."

"What can I do?" asks the wife.

"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."

The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway..... about 15 ft.

"That was great," the pro says with a straight face. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you're supposed to!"

Adios!

10th Sept Windy

2010-09-11T02:48:00.002+08:00

Haha I made use of you audience to make a romantic post, so I score points! Bwahahaha!

Nonetheless, to stray away from my relationship changes, and the little hype created over my last post, end of the year is coming soon. Another year is soon over, and we'll enter the O lvls and A lvls soon.

It's hard not to keep hounding you guys for work, but now it's all up to all of you now. My doors are always open, find me whenever you need help. I will always try my best to help you guys.

DDOJ:

A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."

Adios!

9th Sept Rainy

2010-09-10T02:50:00.002+08:00

It's a very special day today.

I would like to dedicate tonight's post to a special someone.

Thank you for coming into my life, and you hold a very special place in my heart. I know after I post this, many people reading this blog will want to know who you are, there's no need to hide either way. No mushy post, just 3 simple words.

I love you.

8th Sept Rainy

2010-09-09T02:57:00.002+08:00

It flooded today again with heavy rains in the CBD area. Friends working there, please remember your brollies! Or otherwise, swimming trunks and bikinis!

It was a boring 1 week school holiday, everyone had much to do.

Ruiyuan and Jeremy, lets go for supper some time, or maybe u can find me next week on one of the noons, a short lunch gathering would be nice. See if you can jio any other people, I'm looking forward to see you guys again. I haven't suan you for a long time!

DDOJ:

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

"What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts."

The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Adios!

6th Sept Rainy

2010-09-07T03:30:00.002+08:00

Slept with a bad position, and ended up with a really bad stiff neck. Almost cured by the end of the day, but ended up worse with another bad sleeping posture later. I can barely turn my head now as I am typing! Damn the sleeping postures. To top it off, think the bad position made my back hurt like hell too, I think I gotta admit I'm getting old. Turning 30 soon is so not fun!

Realized that this is a special year. My 2nd batch of students who took A levels, are having their A levels this year. I think I must get use to it somehow, to all of you kiddos who are taking As this year, work hard! It would be nice to see you land a space in the Universities. I have faith in your hard work!

Brand new day tomorrow, spend it wisely, all you guys out there who are taking exams.

Good Luck N levels! I will see you next year for Os, without fail!

DDOJ:

... After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:

The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.

The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.

The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.

The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.

The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.

The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.

Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

Adios!

5th Sept Rainy

2010-09-06T03:42:00.002+08:00

It was teacher's day and this week has been filled with presents and pleasant cards written, some of which made my eyes a little red. I know it's old, but I still wanna say that I really look forward to seeing you guys getting into the courses you wanted to go. Although it's abit sad to know that I wouldn't be able to see you guys so much after this year, but it's really nice to know you guys are working hard towards achieving your goals now. If I may add, finally. Hahaha!

I miss everyone of you, students, ex-students, friends. I decided to keep my blog alive more, will try to keep it on going as long as I can. I realise alot more people are reading this then I thought.

45 Days to go for O levels, work hard, love you guys!

DDOJ:

A 65-year old mailman decided it was time to retire. When the small community he worked for found out, they decided they should do something nice for him, since he'd served them for the past 45 years.

So, the last day on the job, the mailman went up to the first house, and the homeowner welcomed him in. They gave him a pile of presents to thank him for all his hard work.

At the next house they gave him a cheque for 100 dollars, and the 3rd house, a cheque for 200 dollars.

At the fourth house, a blonde lady answered. She was wearing silk pajamas, and was motioning him to follow her upstairs. the mailman had the best sex of his entire life, and when they were done, he went downstairs. On the table was a huge breakfast, with waffles, eggs, pancakes, the whole deal, and a cup of coffee with a 5 dollar bill underneath.

The mailman was curious, so he said to the lady, "I've had the best day of my entire life, everyone has been so nice to me, but I have to ask, what's the 5 dollar bill for?"

The lady replied, "I asked my husband what we should do for you and he said 'fuck him, give him five bucks', but breakfast was my idea."

Adios!

29th June Sunny

2010-06-30T01:53:00.002+08:00

I'm so totally hooked up with The Big Bang Theory. I'm practically laughing myself silly over this low budget production, where clever humors over-rides CG effects and explosions. Definitely a must-watch for comedy lovers!

Recently can't help but noticed that people have been posting pretty ridiculous posts on facebook, not like it's the first time it happened, but it's really remarkable how people could come up with stuffs like that. I post on your wall, you say random things you like about me, and I'll do the same. Oh wow... .... I really kinda wonder how much of what they wrote was actually true. Maybe I should set up a chain post too, saying random things I hate about people.

The mock exam just finished, and I must say although I did see a slight improvement overall, I guess exams mood haven't set in yet. I'll have to force that mood down you guys' throats then. Not much of a choice. Anyway on the other hand, some of you have done well, if not extremely well, and the efforts are commendable.

Whatever it is...

When in doubt or despair just remember; YOU are capable.

DDOJ:

Student: I don’t think I deserve Zero in this answer paper.
Teacher: Agreed. You deserve -1.

Teacher: Suppose, you have offered money and knowledge. You have to take one of them. Which one you should choose?

Student: Money.

Teacher: I would have taken knowledge. But why do you take money?

Student: I have the lack of money that’s why. You have the lack of knowledge. That’s why

Teacher: Tell me an example of a creature which can live on water as well as the land.

Student: Frog.

Teacher: Another example.

Student: Another frog.

A teacher asked student, What is the full form of Maths?
The student answered, 'Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students'

Adios!

17th June Rainy

2010-06-17T00:20:00.003+08:00

It was indeed a nice weather today. Cooling, lots of rain. In fact, so much rain Orchard road got flooded while I was snug cozy at home. Hell broke lose in Orchard this morning, I guess many people have to overhaul their car because of the water getting into the engine.

Bought Dan Brown's latest book in hard cover tonight, it will keep me occupied for quite a while. "The Lost Symbol" seems like another epic book, hope it entertains me enough!

I guess blogs are pretty much outdated now a days, not many people blogs now. I keep seeing the same trend over and over again. Let me sum it up below about blogs:

step 1: new blog, hooray
step 2: write everything about yourself and your BGR
step 3: Oh shucks, BGR ended, my life suck
step 4: announce closing blog and never touch it again

ultimate step: repeat step 1 to step 4

Mine leh, because lack of people's blogs to visit, and more then half the links i have is dead or not continued, I pretty much lack the zest to update mine too, haha. But it won't die anyway, I'll just update as and when I felt like it. heh.

DDOJ:

A couple is celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They go down to their old school. There, in a corner, they hold hands as they find their old desk where he had carved, "I love you, Sally."

On the way home, a bag of money falls out of the armored car in front of them. She picks it up and counts fifty thousand dollars.

The husband says, "We've got to give it back."

She says, "Finders keepers." And when they get home she hides it in the attic.

The next day, two FBI men show up at their home. They say,"Pardon me, did any one in this house find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

She says, "No."

The husband says, "My wife is lying, she took the money and hid it in the attic."

She says, "Don't believe him, he's a bit senile."

So they sit the man down and begin to question him.

The FBI guy says, "Tell us the story from the beginning."

The old man says, "Well, my wife and I were on our way home from school..."

The FBI guy says, "ok old fella we understand"

Adios!

2nd June Sunshine

2010-06-02T17:58:00.002+08:00

Holding on to principles.

Imparting skills and knowledge.

Passing on the attitude.

Persevering in doing what is right, and not give up.

Frankly speaking, the hardest is the last step. It's so damn hard that I cannot stress anymore. Facing bad situations, facing drop in morale, facing unappreciated efforts, persevering through all that is always difficult. Not that I didn't know that from day 1.

However, as long as we don't give up, it will still be workable. As long as you give up, all hope is lost.

DDOJ:

Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."

"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Adios!

24th May Cloudy

2010-05-24T14:45:00.002+08:00

My condolences to the late Dr. Goh Keng Swee's family and friends. Your contributions and passing of your steel-strong will to the later generations, are something that will live on and be passed on to the next generation, and generations to come.

This is indeed an exciting year. Filled with the most interesting students I have ever had. When I read into more details of Dr. Goh, I have little wonder when his life story would ever be made into a movie. His story is one of a monolith in Singapore's history, which motivates anyone who yearns to become a better person, to himself and to others.

Last night, I met my Professor Ian from NTU at the Jurong Point's NTUC. I have never felt such great happiness in a long while, to be able to see my mentor, someone who have impact my life to the extend of changing me.

As an educator, every year is a constant challenge to me. To be able to help guide them, change their lives, and possibly lead them to their own ideals and expanding their horizons to the real world.

I may not be the best tutor out there, but I've never once thought I've not done my best. I might have slacked, or be complacent, but the lesson learnt will keep my fire burning.

To everyone out there, friends, students, and ex-students. I may not be a giant in your life, but it'll not stop me from giving in my best.

DDOJ:

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic lecturer.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the lecturer with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Adios!

2nd May Warm

2010-05-02T01:09:00.002+08:00

In order to make myself functional most of the time during the day, I took the drastic step to consume coffee once again. It was pretty successful most of the day, except that I became an alert zombie.

What's worse is that the caffeine is still in me now at 1.10a.m in the morning, despite being exhausted, my mind's still active. I need to wash it away with some other liquid, and I'm trying my best to drink other stuffs. I hope it works soon, or I'll be going through the same shit again tomorrow when I wake up.

Things keep going through my mind, good things and bad things. Caffeine really disallow me to cool down my mind. I think it's pretty much a forbidden drug, and I totally don't like the side effects. Although I can stay alert for the lessons when I need to, my body is heating up like an oven. One more consecutive day with caffeine, I'll be falling sick really soon.

DDOJ:

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make the proper "final" arrangements.

As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: "BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.

For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

"RETURNED UNOPENED"

Adios!

1st May Sunny

2010-05-01T09:35:00.002+08:00

Ohaiyo gozaimasu !!!

It's saturday morning, labour day!

I had an hour of sleep only!

I drank a cup of coffee, and I'm damn high now, probably for the next 8 hrs!

Before I suffer from the full effects of caffeine, I would like to say... the Sun is so warm, the day is so bright, birds are chirping, trees are ruffling, lovely students are coming in for lessons!

Let me prepay the sentences later when I'm under going caffeine withdrawal... the Sun is freaking irritating shining into my room, the day is TOO bright still, birds are too noisy, trees are even noisier, lovely students are killing what's left of my active brain cells!

DDOJ:

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The Blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed.
He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful.

How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. "There's no charge," she says.

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," the blonde says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice."

"So I just switched the heads."

Adios!

21st Apr Cloudy

2010-04-22T05:24:00.003+08:00

For the first time in many years, I haven't had the experience of insomnia because of nothing for a long time. I laid on my bed, and I totally pulled off a perfect 4 hours rolling on the bed trying to fall asleep. Last straw came, I sat up and now I'm updating blogs.

I'm a totally caffeine intolerant person, the slightest caffeine can keep my eyes open as though I had my eyes forced open by toothpicks. Ironically, I had the same effect tonight without caffeine. That sucks!

Recently happen to chance across the show Glee, and I think it's pretty entertaining. A drama series that's half musical, and half drama, without the tinge of High School Musical in it. I felt that was fantastic, definitely worth my time watching it! If you guys had the chance to watch, do give it a try, you might like it too!

Drove around abit tonight, sent some DVDs to friends, and then I'm on my way back. Realized that I haven't gotten dinner till 10.30, but just again the fact dawned on me that it's hard to find people to eat with that late. Leading a 24/7 teaching life is kinda sacrificing on my meal and sleep timings.

DDOJ:

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws.

At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.

Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test.

The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

Adios!

13th Apr Rainy

2010-04-14T01:18:00.002+08:00

Still don't update, I'll be getting shot at for a dead blog!

It's been a rainy past month, and everything's going pretty well at the moment. Except that I didn't manage to motivate my current batch enough to make them work harder. Sometimes I wonder whether I am too slack with them, maybe I should just be a wacko and be really harsh with them. This year, most of the graduating groups which started fresh this year, didn't manage to catch up to syllabus before Mid-year, I don't know what happened.

Anyway, something happy happened.

Deyi Band has earned their 2nd consecutive wins in SYF for 2010 with 3 golds since the victory in 2008. I'm glad I kept my promise to be there, I witness a very sensational performance. It's very different watching it live with people you know, then to watch it on Youtube.

I would say I can feel the teamwork, the hardship they put in. I think it's all bearing fruit already, and they tasted their first sweet taste of victory first hand. Good job! Like I said, I was only there to watch the winners, and I did.

This is the video of their performance, and I'm very proud to share this with everyone. Witness their hardwork, and their perseverance. To me, they are the champions no matter what the result was.

DDOJ:

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,....

"Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'

Adios!

12th Mar Warm

2010-03-13T00:52:00.003+08:00

Everybody's been talking about Tiger Woods, and Jack Neo. So I guess maybe this post, I could post something about it too! Kaypoh ma...

You guys actually think, that what happened was really worth that kind of media effort? I don't know about you, but I think everyone needs to open their eyes to see the real world. Like... Hello... this is how the real world is, welcome to the real world.

It's real and it's happening everywhere, people who are unfaithful to their spouse. You may not like it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Hell.. I absolutely hate starving, but I still starve myself silly when I don't have time in between lessons to eat!

If maybe some random people out there is unfaithful to his wife, do you think there is a need for him to make a public apology? Just because they are Tiger Woods and Jack Neo, that doesn't mean shit. It's basically just an ugly side of life, which is fully blown into paparazzi material.

My advice? Learn from others' mistakes. You don't have to bear the consequences, but you can learn as well. If you know something is wrong, then just don't do it, silly.

Anyway, I had a good rest today, so many people didn't turn up due to "marathon". Sometimes I wonder if it's more taxing on the body, or the mind. It's definitely taxing on my pocket though!

Ohya Chris, you and your "finger movement" thingy is spreading like crazy! I'm seriously considering asking you to make a short video of it and post it on Facebook, THAT WOULD BE COOL BEANZ!

DDOJ:

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot."

"Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." George was brokenhearted.

After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, George.

"I'm awfully sorry about this." George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."

"Hee hee," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father."

Adios!

5th Mar Sunny

2010-03-06T01:41:00.002+08:00

It's been a weird weird fun day.

Firstly, it was Lee Keng's birthday, so her group met up at Hub. We ate and had lots of fun chatting, then while going back, saw a whole bunch of others too! Well, happy birthday Keng!

Then subsequently at night, a bunch of sillies called me to tell me something emotional. Although it sounded as if it was their last words, but it was a moment of emo which I think I can accept, for just tonight, heh. Alright alright.. love you too!

Treasure the ones who are always around you, even if they might sound silly, or sound ridiculous, or make you angry most of the time. In the end, people who are close to you, will always be close to you. It's just a matter of time whether you admit that fact, or you realize it when you lose it.

So don't be a klutz and think the whole world owes us, they don't. We lead our own lives, so we should live life to the fullest!!!

DDOJ:

Frog Psychic Hotline

Recently, the Psychic Hotline have launched a hotline for frogs. Here is a story of a frog and his discussion with the psychic.

A frog phones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog asks, "This is great! Will I see her at a party, or what?"

"No." says the Psychic.

"Next semester in her biology class."

Adios!

24th Feb Warm

2010-02-25T03:22:00.003+08:00

Haven't been posting for a long time, and some are already bitching at me to start, heh. I don't post VERY interesting posts, but I guess I have some long overdue ones to share.

Year 2010, I seem to have quite some interesting bunch of students, here are some to share.

1. Theres this guy, who spam my biscuits all the time, and after gorging himself full with the biscuits... he would SLAP his tummy and heave sighs of content!! Imagine THAT !

2. Then theres this girl, who are just as crazy about animes and mangas as I used to, or rather, a bunch of them who idolize MJ!! And yet about 2 years ago, I thought my kind was an extinct one. Now you see them sprouting out from nowhere.

3. Following the cartoon "Bananas in Pajamas" which has B1 and B2, I have a cute girl who makes me G2 and shes G1.

4. Then there's this girl, whom I just can't resist.......... throwing paper balls at her!

5. Following Arun, theres now another guy who is even taller than him, 1.93m ! I know who to ask to change my room's lightbulb now.

6. A little chilli girl who always bullies me in lessons, although I admit I simply love to piss her off sometimes, but we do get good laughs! (sounds like you, Jocelyn Sim!)

7. Gabryel from St. Gabriel, I'm still waiting for a Teck Ghee from Deyi, Anderson from Anderson, or maybe Nicholas from St. Nicholas, which is IMPOSSIBLE

8. A little girl, who loves to wear oversize stuffs on her, specs, watches etc!

And the list goes on, I have wonderful and interesting students, I guess I'm gonna have a good year ahead of me! I guess I'm blessed (fingers crossed).

DDOJ:

A secondary school teacher arrived late for class to find a most uncomplimentary drawing of himself on the whiteboard. Fuming, he asked the class, “Who is responsible for this atrocity?!”

The class clown won tremendous prestige among his peers by answering, “I really don’t know, but I strongly suspect his parents.”

Adios!

19th Jan Rainy

2010-01-20T01:34:00.004+08:00

Haven't had this big rain for a long time, tonight's big time raining was pretty refreshing. Just kinda realized, with the rain hitting on the roof of my car, that I'm gonna go through the same old shit with the new batches. Going through double entry, blah blah blah and what have you...

Went out to grab supper for my sister, and saw one of my old time buddy. I would have to say I was pretty surprise, not with the sudden met up, but more about the strange handshake. Seems so unnatural to me, almost like strangers. I guess we really haven't been talking for a damn long time. I almost didn't realize it was THAT long already. We even have the same birthday.

Anyway, friend of mine came back from Japan, and of all presents, he gave me a pretty entertaining monkey doll that laughs! He can tumble and roll, and has this pretty damn funny laughter, I swear it even sounds like my friend. I'll be sure to introduce you all the monkey next time, batteries already loaded!

DDOJ:

Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

Every once in a while, however, he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go."

But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a veterinarian!"

Adios!

14th Jan Happy!

2010-01-14T21:13:00.003+08:00

This year's birthday was the most uneventful, yet most well wishes one for me. What a way to start my last 20s before heading into that dreaded 30. Haha!

Really thanks lots for all the well wishes from everyone! Makes my heart feels fuzzy and warm inside, heh. This year I won't be celebrating or what, but I'll be meeting you guys one by one, and then we'll have a nice catch up session.

If you are happy, everyday's a celebration isn't it?

Love you guys!

DDOJ:

Short Birthday Jokes!

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip!

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
Grandma, is it exciting being 99?
It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Q: How can you tell that you're getting old?
A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!

Adios!

12th Jan Warm

2010-01-12T12:53:00.002+08:00

Congratulations for all the people who successfully passed O levels and is moving on to the next stage of their lives. You couldn't have done it if you didn't insist on working hard all the way, and for that, it is commendable!

The usual crap I will post at the end of this O levels.

When you are choosing what to enter for, please keep this in mind.

Don't choose the school, CHOOSE THE COURSE.

Don't ever listen to cock and bull stories about what and what school is not good, what and what school's cert is not recognized. If you are not convinced, just ask me your concern, I will show you with proof that what you are thinking about is entirely wrong.

I don't want you to regret choosing a course that you will hate taking. Thus, keep this concept in mind. Nobody in the future will care about what school you came from, they will only be concern with whether you have the right diploma or experience to take the job. Any employers who reject applications due to their school being "not so good", is a dumb employer. You are better off not working for such idiots.

You guys have until Friday to decide. Don't waste your time, and think hard about what you want to do. Don't enter poly for the sake of entering. This is my last advice to you as your tutor.

As for the few who didn't manage to hit the marks needed, you have to make your decisions known soon. Call me if you need advice, I'm always available.

As for some special note for a few of you.

Wee Tat: Your decision to stay and take O levels again did not fail you. It is because you worked for it and you made it.

Leon: Your decision to stay too, has made it.

I'm glad both of you persevere and made it through, I'm especially proud of both of you.

Congratulations once again, I'm glad and thankful for the memories you all have given me (as well as money muahaha) in the year 2009 and before. I won't forget every single one of you, just like your seniors.

Yet another year has come. We will now part as tutor and students, I'm proud to call you all now, my precious friends.

P.S. I love you guys.

31st Dec 2009

2009-12-31T22:31:00.002+08:00

Last day of 2009, marking the end of the first decade of the new millennium. I think whoever is up there, I don't know who, but thanks for the peaceful decade. Time to enter the 2nd decade.

It was nice to see most of you back at the Chalet, and I was busy with everyone coming. I'm sorry if I didn't manage to spend enough time to chat, I really wanted to catch up with each and every one of you. Time is so short though!

Next year I will try to book 1 week, and then I'll allocate days for each batch of you to come, then you won't feel awkward, and I'll have lots more time to chat with all of you! Planning in progress =)

It's a whole new year, I thank all of you for all the good times we've been through, and the fun, laughter, tears, happiness, sadness, and everything. We all became stronger no doubt. See you guys in the new decade, love you guys!

Wishing you all, a happy new year 2010!

DDOJ:

Dear mum,

I am writing you this note to say that I haven't been honest to you lately.

I have a boyfriend, his name is Dragon and he lives in a trailer in the woods he wears biker clothes and deals Ecstasy.

I am moving in with him and I am four months pregnant.

His friends will come over all the time so I can get a little frisky with them.

We will make a living out of growing drugs and selling them to Dragons friends as are both already drug addicts, we will live a life of drugs beer and all the sex.

Wish us luck
Katie

P.S.
I am at the neighbors house, all of the above was a lie I just wanted to let you know there are worse things in life than my report card which is in the top drawer.

Adios!

17th Dec Suspense

2009-12-17T19:55:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow is the big day for N levels.

Same old shit, so I'll cut the crap.

Believe in yourself, get your results with a calm mind and don't make rash decisions. If you are unsure of what to do, you have my number. Just don't make rash decisions yea.

Anyway I believe POA results for Ns this year should be good.
Good luck you guys, I wish you all the best!

DDOJ:

A guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

2nd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."

3rd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."

The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"

3rd guy "Because you don't have any damn ears to hang glasses on."

Adios!

6th Dec Windy

2009-12-07T03:06:00.002+08:00

After 2 weeks of reservists, I've finally came back to civilization. That was 1 helluva 2 weeks, and to think I need to go through that again 8 more times. The very thoughts sends freezing chills down my spine.

Done some productive thinking and sorting out of thoughts while I was in camp.

I found that this year I've been writing too much words of advice to people in this blog, I'm beginning to sound like a nag already. I think I rather enjoy that, nagging is fun, you guys should try it sometimes. It's pretty fun at the expense of the ears of people around you. Fun times I tell you!

Classes will begin soon now that we've reached December. New year, new batches, new faces, new students, new slackers, new nagging, new new new!!!

Anyway to a friend of mine, you may not be reading this but in the event that you do, please put your weird way of thinking away and keep it in a dusty corner of your brain capacity. Take note not to take it out again, if in the event that you do, please chuck it right back again.

Your life isn't just yours, you have others dependent on you.
If you don't save yourself, nobody else can.

DDOJ:

A professer from the Washington State University was doing a test on children, so he brought in a bunch of first graders then he gave each of them a lifesaver all the kids got the same colour at the same time.

Red=Cherry
Green=Lime
Orange=Orange
Yellow=Lemon

Then he gave them all a honey flavored one after a while all the children couldn't figure it out so the professer gives them a hint "This is something your mommy might call your daddie"

Then one little girl looked at the professer and the other children in horror then she yells "Spit them out! Those are assholes!"

Adios!

20th Nov Rainy

2009-11-20T20:13:00.002+08:00

Brought my car for polishing today, and went to Kallang to celebrate Tuofeng's birthday. There's this Japanese restaurant 日本村, buffet lunch for students at $14.99, and adults at $17.99. Sashimi is part of the buffet menu!

Alas, I had my filled before i went, and no buffet for me.

A big enlightenment from Kenny today, he taught us that even though Sushi are serve cold, you still have to blow on it to cool it further. Although we see no logic, but since he did it SO convincingly, we just had to believe him.

Don, the person who suggested playing 终极密码, brought a big serving of Wasabi to our table. Being the nice guy around, I had to help them with the numbers so I'm not involved in the war. Well, I guess KARMA plays a big part when you suggest such stuff to play with.

Guess who ate the most Wasabi and had to tell us to stop playing?

Overall, nice day and I had fun. Happy birthday Tuofeng!

DDOJ:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work & productivity from employees, it would be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than any one else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are specially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, & are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. we can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSIVE PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

Adios!

17th Nov Windy

2009-11-18T01:09:00.002+08:00

Finally in a long time, I've stepped into the theaters again. Watched 2012, and I personally thought it was a fantastic show. Something so realistic, both emotionally and physically.

The question comes to mind, when you ask yourself;

"If this is the last hour of my life, what do I want to do with it?"

I find no need to remind my loved ones how much I love them, but if the time comes when it's my final hour, I might finally have the courage to tell those whom holds special places in my heart what I feel. Maybe it's a wake up call from the show, I shouldn't be waiting till that last hour.

Whence the last time you told your loved ones "I love you"?

DDOJ:

A Blonde is having a great day.

She is walking towords the elevator and notices it's leaving.

She starts to run, but a man holds it for here and she makes it.

When she's inside she starts thinking 'I'm in a really good mood, Ill share it with that man' Then says "T-G-I-F!"

The man looks at her and says "S-H-I-T"

The blonde is startled then says "T-G-I-F" again.

The man, again, says "S-H-I-T"

The blonde says "No, T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness Its Friday!"

The man replys "No, S-H-I-T, Sorry Honey Its Thursday."

Adios!

13th Nov Friday the 13th

2009-11-13T21:13:00.002+08:00

Since it's friday the 13th, guess who I saw at Orchard?

Irene Loh and Junyi!!!!!!!!

I think it's really a very pleasant surprise, I haven't seen them for ages, almost an entire year! Not much changes though, still as "cute". Hahaha... Irene is going to kill me if she sees this.

Busy busy through the "holidays".

DDOJ:

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, mathand science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."

Adios!

10th Nov Cloudy

2009-11-10T13:30:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is the last day of O levels, I wish you guys all the best and enjoy your holidays from tomorrow onwards!

These few days without O levels has been boring, and to say the least, not even exciting. Luckily my ride has been entertaining me for quite abit, but damn finally it's that stage of my own life! I haven't been able to take any good pictures of it, because quite honestly I didn't really care, haha. But I'll get a picture up as soon as..... I remember.... yea that's right.

My 3rd batch graduating, I still remember vividly how it was like to teach in Deyi. Then stuck out on my own, where the first 3 months of start up, I was practically eating grass. I'm glad I stick it out, and everything turned out fine now. I'm also really glad to meet all 200ish odd of you through out these 3 years.

There were many days when students would ask me, why do I do what I am doing, even though I have a degree. Maybe I can finally answer all of you with concrete proof now. Let me ask you back, is it better to have;

1. Sense of satisfaction from teaching,
2. Free time,
3. Earn cash.

Which do you choose?
Because quite frankly, is it too much to ask for ALL 3 of them?

I haven't been able to achieve all 3 together yet, but I think I will not stop trying.

I'm not some hypocrite telling you I enjoy teaching and I don't care about anything else. I still want my money you know! So I guess my current direction isn't all that bad, now let me get going and work towards combining those 3 together from now on!

DDOJ:

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his neighbors Halloween Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

Adios!

4th Nov Last Day before Paper

2009-11-04T23:31:00.002+08:00

Finally, it's the last 12 hrs before POA ends.

For some of you, it's the last you'll see POA. For others, it might come back to haunt you in the higher levels of learning. Nonetheless, you did what you could, and be proud of your results. Last year, the same thing happened. I wrote an ending blog post for the entire work year. This year, I'll be doing the same.

Let me begin by telling you that it's been really enjoyable to teach most of you out there. Those who put in effort, you really saw your efforts turn into results. Thus, you should be more confident about yourself.

Everyone of you left such deep impressions in me, some mentally and some physically. Financially this year, I've been doing well, but I think I could have done more to help some of you. If I didn't manage to, I apologize. But if I did manage to help you improve your grades, it's not because of me alone, you worked for it yourself too.

Today, 4th of November, marks the last day which I shall call you guys as students. We will no longer have that kind of relationship, and I will no longer be a teacher to you. As of tomorrow, 5th of November, once you step out of school, I'll be proud to say that I have gained 60 more friends, and not that I lost 60 students. (omg my income)

Welcome to the first step of stepping into the adult world, my dear friends.

I will miss all of you terribly. My days will not be the same without you guys jumping around me anymore. Some days I will look back at all the photos and say, "Omg, so-and-so used to look like this!" For some even, tears of joy might flow just by reminiscing the good times we had.

Hopefully, our friendship can last more then just 2009.

I will remember every single one of you in my heart.

All the best, Adios... !

25th Oct Shine Shine SHINE

2009-10-25T13:08:00.002+08:00

I woke up at 11a.m today, and I felt weird. It's been ages since I last woke up at 11a.m on a Sunday, I should be a little happier I guess? Haha..

Tomorrow is the start of the O level proper exams, all these 4 years of studying has finally came down to the actual papers. Before you know it, the first paper and the last paper seems just to be next to each other, and it'll all be over before you know it.

While we have all done what we could to go pass this hurdle, all that's left is to believe in yourself and do your best.

Hints for Exams:

- Maximize your time usage, if you finish early, then check through.

- Remember your calculators, and check it's working.

- Remember to put your entry proof in your pencil case.

- Lastly, be confident, if you can apply 75% of what you learn, getting a good grade is not an impossible task.

With this, good luck for all the coming exams, and I'll be wishing for your success and for most of you, I'll be seeing you as a teacher for the last time on November 4th at Cheng San CC 2nd floor 4p.m to 10p.m.

All the best!!

DDOJ:

Adios!

8th October Best Friend's Wedding

2009-10-09T01:23:00.003+08:00

Today's post is dedicated to my best friend, Sindy and her hubby Wayne.

It was about 12 years ago, when we first met in NYJC. Both of us look so normal, a friendship built up not just on trust and respect, but also from a little of anger and disappointment once. However, the little trouble we had between us, we long gone before we knew it. I do not know when it was, or what it was, that brought us both to be so trusting towards each other, but one thing for sure is, we both treasure this friendship more then words could describe.

And for this, you will always be my best friend.

I had a hard time holding back the tears of joy for you when Wayne said "I do" to you, and you to him. You look so blissful standing before Wayne, may this scene be etched into your memories forever with nothing but sweet thoughts that will bring a smile to your face whenever you think of it.

Congratulations my dearest friend!!

Yen Pin

6th Oct Rainy

2009-10-06T19:09:00.002+08:00

As usual, the exam periods are always filled with lots of rainfall. Bring your umbrellas wherever you go, you don't want to get sick. No heroes or heroines please.

Anyway something to lighten your day.
See this video, a korean guy in uniform dancing to your favorite song!

This really made me LOL!!

DDOJ:

A blonde named Winnie had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.

Adios!

2009-09-28T14:44:00.008+08:00

A meaningful comic strip I found.

No matter what life throws at you, no matter how hard it may be, you went through it for a reason, and although it doesn't show now, you will appreciate later.

Work hard everyone!

19th Sept Rainy

2009-09-19T15:27:00.003+08:00

Came across the show Britains got Talent, and I've seen some really motivating videos which I have never thought would be possible.

Such courage at such young ages,
broken down from pressure and stress,
defeated but never giving up.

To that, everyone has something to learn from them.

Seeing them brings tears to my eyes, do you?

Look from these Youtube links, it's protected so just view it from the links by opening a new window.

Sharheen Jafargholi.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kLbWY2S2TQ&NR=1

This young man got Simon stopped him from singing in the midst, but he got another chance by Simon. He accepts it, and he nailed it.

Hollie Steel.

The first part of this video was her first attempt, but she broke down from pressure and stress. What do you expect, shes only a 10 year old. And I think shes courageous. However, she got another chance at it at the later half of the video, and I personally think shes fantabulous (fantastic + fabulous).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_-OHoDVaus

If you view both videos, there is a particular reason why I do that.

Everyone out there, including you, have some sort of talent, and everyone of you have got a chance at it. Your incoming hurdle in N and O levels are what you have to go through in the next 3 months. You should never give up, and never stop trying.

Seeing Sharheen and Hollie makes me think of you all, I love you all.

DDOJ:

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

NOW ............

Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.

The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover
your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

Adios!

14th Sept Warm

2009-09-14T23:29:00.002+08:00

Today's the day when majority of my students got back their prelim results. Only a few things I would like to say, maybe contrary to what you believe, but this is what I felt.

To most of you:

- You did well using what you learnt

- You should thank your teacher for making it so clear what all of your mistakes were and where you should focus on studying

- If you did 60+, I would say its really good already, you'll have high chance of getting an A.

- If you did 50+, careless mistakes correction and learning from them will give you a good chance to do much better.

- If you did below 50, I highly suggest you try harder, and ask yourself whether you gave your best for the exams. If the answer is no, you'll know what to do.

Anyway apart from that, my N level students have been doing pretty well on the average, and I would like to congratulate them for the prelim results. The usual improvements from prelims are that you will jump 2-3 grades higher then usual if you continue working for it.

Never give up, because if you do, that's the end.

DDOJ:

How to tell You are married

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three would wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman: “The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.”

The mistress: “Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night”.

The married woman: “I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

Adios!

26th Aug Chilly

2009-08-27T04:11:00.002+08:00

Never fails to have the exam periods being really rainy and cold. Always the case every year for now, and I guess you guys better keep umbrellas with you. You won't wanna fall sick during the papers. After all, its only 2 months before your O level starts, and weeks before N levels.

A little something below:

Good: People calling me asking about homework

Bad: The homework was last month's

Worse: Tomorrow's exam.

Anyway it was meant as a punk, but I do know 1 or 2 of you is guilty of that...

Ok I'm exaggerating...
.... should be more then 5 or 10....

I remember the last time I said the same thing about the mid-years. The results should shock you and make you work harder, but now I see, even prelims doesn't really scare the shit out of you. You guys got guts, I gotta give you that. Damn, I'm beginning to see the old me in you... but the thing is, I pulled through, I hope you guys do too.

Anyway, by the time u read this, prelims for POA are over. You'll know results next week, so lets all begin to work hard... finally? Hahaha... less bull crap about working hard and stop thinking of excuses not to work hard yea?

DDOJ:

Pick Up Lines and How to Reject them.

He: Do you mind if I sit down?
She: Do you mind if I say no?

He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, I'd rather have the money.

He: I'm a photographer. I've been lookin for a face like yours.
She: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been lookin for a face like yours.

He: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
She: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

He: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
She: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

He: I think I could make you very happy.
She: Why? Are you leaving?

He: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
She: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

He: Can I have your name?
She: Why? Don't you already have one?

He: Where have you been all my life?
She: Hiding from you.

Adios!

25th Aug Warm

2009-08-25T22:30:00.003+08:00

My fish tank finally arrives! Some new addition to my crabs below =)

This 2 is my small ones, cramming together.

This one is black with red pincers.

This one is the most colorful one, the aquarium boss even said that it would glow in the dark!! =)

More additions to my pets, and the fish tank is custom made, so that it can now hold alot more crabs then before, I'm so gonna get more of them!

DDOJ:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is
backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

Adios!

22nd Aug Warm

2009-08-22T17:00:00.002+08:00

PLEASE SUPPORT THE SPECIAL CHILDREN!!!!!

Presenting to you,
our very dear "special" kid, Bryon.

After the video, if you feel that you should support this cause, please donate to the special Bryon funds.

DDOJ:

Just watch the video.

Adios!

20th Aug Warm

2009-08-20T19:03:00.004+08:00

Finally a piece of good news for a long time.

I'll be attending reservists in November 9, and will no longer be heading to Taiwan next month.

So you guys have to bear with me for the next 3 months.
Be prepared for HELL.

DDOJ:

A woman gets on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver says: "Holy sh*t! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
In a huff, the woman slams her fare into the box and takes a seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her senses that she is agitated and asks her what's wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumes.
The man sympathizes and says: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she says, "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a great idea," the man says. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

Adios!

13th Aug Warm

2009-08-14T00:10:00.004+08:00

Warm Warm Warm everyday.

Happy Birthday, Ginny!
Although its 28, but since your boyfriend gave you a 29th candle, he is probably hinting you through the numbers.... yer know..... 29.... 2........ 9.................... !!

Dad has some issues with his stomach today, scares me to death. When people are old, and they get sick, all you can think of is pray hard it isn't something life threatening. Probably lots of you don't see it yet, but that's just part and parcels of life. Anyway he is much better now, thankfully!

I met something funny tonight.

This taxi uncle, he was playing some music which I thought was oldies. Turns out... it was a recorded CD of his own voice when he was singing in KTV!!

I'm not entirely sure that I have the guts to drive a cab, and play music sang by myself. But I can tell you, it's one of the worst rides ever. 25 minutes of pure ear torture, mixed with hokkien, chinese and.... THAI songs....... ALL BY HIM. If he wasn't driving, I might kick him in the butt.

DDOJ:

Today's joke is a little naughty, so if you'll easily feel offended....
why are you here in the first place anyway? =p

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex," he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here," she said. "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"

"First check for bees."

Adios!

9th Aug Warm

2009-08-09T18:15:00.005+08:00

Happy Birthday Singapore!!!!

Ok... like I care.....

Anyway heres a video to entertain all of you, titled:

How to 按黑青, by 2 of my cutest students alive.
Enjoy!

Or how about their "successful" attempt at telling jokes?

You have to give them credits for being so "brave"!!!!

DDOJ:

There once was a bear & a rabbit that hated each other. One day they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each 3 wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the U.S. and all the rest were female." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.

Then It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."

Adios!

8th Aug Warm

2009-08-08T22:19:00.002+08:00

With the tight schedules, I guess I'll not be leading a normal life for the next 3 months. DUH!!

With the new crabs, I'm having a blast of a time with them, considering that its so easy to scare the shitz out of people holding it close to them with my bare hands. They are such cute monsters, you like Shrek and you like Monsters Inc... why are you afraid of the little crabs who are not bigger then your thumb? HAHAHA!!!

DDOJ:

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complaint, the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

Adios!

7th July Warm

2009-08-07T20:01:00.002+08:00

Today, I got attacked by a vicious beast.

Some of you older batches might know her... I got attacked by....

SOPHIE GOH

Firstly, she appeared at my house with her sister, then she says she misses me.

Next thing she did was walked to the living room with her tidbits and watch TV.

Next thing she did was laugh herself silly while we can hear her from in the room.

I wonder what's next... I guess she really "miss" me....

DDOJ:

One Blonde To Another

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde".

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.

Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

Adios!

1st Aug Warm

2009-08-02T00:17:00.002+08:00

Got some new crabs today, and they are super mini!
Let the picture do the talking yea!

Aren't these little monsters cute?
You can actually play with him with your bare hands too,
they walk all over you!!

DDOJ:

A real gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams.Then she pushes on her elbow and screams in even more agony. She then pushes on her knee and screams again; likewise she pushes on her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream in agony.

The doctor says,"You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken".

Adios!

24th July Warm

2009-07-24T22:00:00.002+08:00

I was comparing students to the likeness of the 尿布 and Pampers.

Seriously, I personally felt that it was a good comparison, since some students are like 尿布, you input data into them but no matter how much you pour it in, they just overflow and spill out with nothing left inside.

However others are Pampers, the more you pour, the more it holds.

Some days you are just like a 尿布, while some other days you are like Pampers.
Just a matter of how absorbent you are, isn't it.

DDOJ:

All men have one...
I have one !!
You husband will have one!!
Your mother uses ur fathers one!!

Your auntie uses ur uncles one!!
A maried lady will acquire one!!
But a divorced lady will loose her one!!

A Pope doesn't use one!!
Ming Chang has a small one!!
Arnold Schwarzenneger has a long one!!
Madonna doesn't have one !!

Chinese usually have short ones !!
While Pakistani's have long long ones!!
After marriage ur husband will give u his one!!
Long or short it doesn't matter coz u'll have to take his one!!

What do u want? L O N G one / SHORT one!
Which one is ur preferred one? LONG or SHORT!!

What r u thinking of?(see below for the answer)

ur SURNAME....is what i'm talking about..what have u been thinking?
U DIRTY MIND...SHAME ON U

Adios!

11 July Warm

2009-07-12T02:09:00.004+08:00

I think I should be more strict towards you guys from now on. Maybe less jokes, and more seriousness in the lesson. Somehow work isn't done, people still treat it as if O levels are 2 years away.

Evidence?

1. Work given, but not done.

2. Few weeks worth of work piled up, not done too.

3. Don't know how to do, don't want to ask me, continue piling up work.

4. Didn't bring papers, bible not updated.

5. Formats which are supposed to be remembered, cannot remember.

6. Answers which could be found in bible, say dunno how to do.

7. No time to do work? Don't crap with me say no time, when you can find time to go out with friends or watch TV. For your highness' information, O levels is 3 months away, N is 2 months. Cannot control for this period of time?

8. Worse still, I don't even know when I'll be able to see your royal highness turn up.

For some of you who might actually see my blog, and read it, if you are guilty of any of the above, then treat it as a warning. Your grades in the final exams are none of my concern, my life will still go on. BUT it will definitely have an impact on your future. Just because I try to be more casual with you, doesn't mean I don't mean business.

I already showed you the stairs, if you don't climb it, its your own fooking problem.

DDOJ:

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

"Daddy, does God love children?"

"Yes son, he loves all children."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

Adios!

9th July Breeze

2009-07-09T23:37:00.002+08:00

Freaking left eye swollen, must be all the heaty food I've been eating. Potato chips are so evil, I shall continue to eliminate you by consuming every single one of you. No use hiding in your little bags, I'll tear my way through to you and chew every single crispy bits of you.

Deferment from going to Taiwan doesn't seem to go well yet, you guys had better not count on the idea of me being able to do it. Work hard, you should start now if you didn't. Secondary 4 ends sooner then you think.

I'll be at Sentosa the whole of friday, little nephew's birthday and we are all gonna play with them at Rasa Sentosa Hotel. Man... thinking I've to wake up earlier to come back for class on saturday... just makes me more excited... Hooray for work .. .... can you smell the sourness yet?

DDOJ:

Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level then beat you with experience .

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in his hand."

Adios!

30th June Warm

2009-06-30T22:05:00.005+08:00

This post is to my friend. Or friends.

You think you are in control, yet you show us you are not.

You think you are right, yet everything shows you are not.

You think the truth can be changed, yet the truth remains the same.

You think, you think, and you think.

And the truth says no, no, and no.

All truths said and done, I have done my part as a friend, your life is yours to control. I can tell you from the bottom of my heart, you have changed. Something is blinding you, and your vision is clouded. However, when you are hurt, I will be there for you. Before that, don't expect anything from me. I will give you the picture below for your future reference.

How you live, does not depend on others but yourself.
Your life is in your own hands, better or worse, you'll have to face it.

DDOJ:

What ever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.
Whatever doesn't kill ME, had better run like hell!

Adios!

28th June Warm

2009-06-29T03:25:00.002+08:00

With the H1N1 spreading like wild fire, I guess its about time we all start to be more worried about the epidemic. It isn't deadly, yet. However if it's left uncontrolled, the virus will mutate and get stronger, by then it might become incurable.

If you see the history of mankind, there are many incidents where huge populations are wiped out due to a single disease and epidemic outbreak. There was a time when Tuberculosis was deadly and had no cure, the black plague that spreaded as if it was the very embodiment of fire itself, and the humans were like dry wood, fueling it's every growth. If we don't control this situation well, there is very possibility it would turn out to be fatal. Bless us all.

Anyway, a note to my students.
If you feel sick, just let me know and I'll arrange a make up class for you. Your health, and the safety of all your fellow friends are at risk. So lets all try to make a little extra effort to combat this bad situation.

DDOJ:

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Harry both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment, "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

Harry replied, "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Harry: Coconut

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

Harry: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Harry: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Harry: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

Harry: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Harry: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Harry: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?

Harry: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."

Adios!

27th June Breeze

2009-06-27T03:13:00.002+08:00

Recently I've been hearing people telling me that I haven't been updating my blog regularly. I suppose this holiday has been pretty hectic for me, but nonetheless, I'm still here isn't it?

The 4 weeks of holiday flashes past like as if holiday just started yesterday. All the deja vu has been flooding my mind, the memories of the past students who went through the exact same holiday, only to find themselves busy with exams after exams. Before they knew it, the question they were asking me were which course they should choose, which school they should apply. Then I will see new faces, new students, and it will start all over again.

One thing never changed, I am still me.

You guys are all important people to me (financially! ... ok and non-financially!). I sincerely hope, and wish you will all put in your best, for this upcoming last hurdle in your 4 years of secondary school life.

My job?

I will show you the stairs, its up to you how high you'll climb.

DDOJ:

Three moms, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, went out to lunch and were talking about their daughters.

The brunette mom said "I found a beer can in my daughters bedroom, i think shes drinking."

The redhead said, "I found a needle in my daughters bedroom, I think shes doing drugs"

The blonde said, "I found a condom in my daughters bedroom, I think she has a penis"

Adios!

22nd June Warm

2009-06-22T16:00:00.002+08:00

Today's lesson with a certain particular group was certainly hilarious. I shall try to post out the conversation to as much detail as possible.

Incident 1.

Eeyneuy:
Where to write the workings?

Me:
Write on your kah cheng la! (butts)

加九:
(pointing at her...) Wah lao, she won't have space to write la!

Everybody:
...... ..... ......... ........... .....................

Incident 2.

Eeyneuy:
Hot will be very hot, cold will be very cold.

Me:
........ what thing hot won't be hot? What thing cold won't be cold?

DDOJ:

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him?"

Adios!

16th June Cooling

2009-06-16T15:42:00.003+08:00

Morning lesson since 9 until now, it was kinda refreshing to have lessons in the morning 7 days in a row, with more to come yet. I guess I haven't been waking up early for quite a long time consistently. Time to get started I guess? However, even if I started, it would probably end real fast. What's the point then? Haha...

N level exams are 3 months away, while O levels are about a little more then 4 months away. For some of you who are playing your holidays away, you'll soon make a wish on your birthday that you have a month before the exams to study for it. Right now you don't have to wish for it, its already here. Make full use of it ok! =)

DDOJ:

A 70 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No".

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.

"Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.

Adios!

14th June Warm

2009-06-14T16:45:00.002+08:00

Its another warm day, but not as scorching as the other days. And yesterday was raining, the weather was at last, cooling finally for the first time in many weeks. Hope it continues, or else I'm gonna hibernate in my room.

10 years series are ridiculously late in publishing this year due to some problems with the publisher. I guess you guys need to work double hard with practice papers then.

DDOJ:

A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”

“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”

“Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”

“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.”

Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”

“That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.

“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card—it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”

The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”

“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shocked now.

“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”

“And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”

“Oh really?” the mother asks. “And why’s that?”

“Because you got an F in sex.”

Adios!

9th June Warm

2009-06-09T22:37:00.002+08:00

Had a close encounter today at home. Shall not elaborate on it, but you guys nearly just lost a tutor. You know when death was so near, the only things I thought about, was all the people I care about. I was lucky to escape that, and I guess I got enough good karma to back it all up!!! Way to go!!!

Probably not in a good position to say this, but I'm one lucky ass. =)

DDOJ:

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

Adios!
(don't let me down, don't let me regret helping)

5th June Warm

2009-06-06T04:19:00.002+08:00

It was a really warm day, even in the night. When I step out of my air-conditioned room, I could feel the heat on my skin already. This is the few moments when I think if I'm living in a condo with a pool, it would be SO nice to jump in.

Sudden random thoughts went through my mind, and I was thinking and missing my old friends again. Some of which, have shared great times. Others, which shoulders my burden together without a breath of complain. Some which stabs me from the back, but nonetheless made us stronger. I look back the 28 years of my life, and I wonder. Who was it that would be there for you, when you really needed. In my life, there's a few of them, but it only takes 1 of them to brighten your night. Thank you, GF.

Friendship is probably one of the easiest relationship to build, but also one of the hardest to maintain. To befriend someone, is to accept his/her wonderful personality, and their hideous flaws. No man is perfect, and that is why friendship is one of the most intriguing relationship in all of history.

To me, if you made me lost respect in you, I will not linger on. I will not say I've broken all ties with you, but neither do I mean I want to see your face again. When things are broken, they can be fixed, but impossible if its one-sided.

To some people in my life, I wish I can say it loudly in front of you....

"Fuck off, The End."

Thank your true friends who would be there for you when you needed.

Be grateful to your friends who made you sad, for it is those which makes you a stronger person.

Never hold grudges, for they are unproductive, makes you mad, and makes you grow wrinkles.

Anyway, those were random thoughts, I'm not being emotional. But to some of my "friends", if you are reading this, you can stop your pretense now, I really can't be bothered with what you say or do. Just Fuck off.

DDOJ:

Actual Answering Machine Messages.

*My wife and i can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

*This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name and your number and your reason for calling...and I'll think about returning your call.

*Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is john's refrigerator. Speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

*Hi. Now YOU say something.

*Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message, and if I don't call back, its you.

*Hello!If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I'll call sooner.

Adios!

3rd June Cool

2009-06-04T01:41:00.002+08:00

Woke up early today, and did a few stuffs which I should have done long ago.

Just very randomly, out of no where, I was reminded of my very dear lecturer from my University days again. She once told me this, "When you are at the rock bottom, the only way left is Up."

This sentence hit me like a boulder, I was pretty shaken after that. That single sentence changed my life, and it took me quite a while before I realize what that one single sentence was telling me about, and what changes it made to me.

Before long, my living motto became "Change what you can, and don't let what you can't change bother you".

I don't think I ever strike out to be someone as inspiring as my lecturer, but I still hope my message is sent across to you junkies out there. Life is a whole lot more interesting, when you start focusing on the right things. Things, that you can change.

DDOJ:

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer can not take that all that away. But,.. I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?"

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says "You".

Adios!

1st June Warm

2009-06-02T02:01:00.002+08:00

First day of the June holidays, started with KBoxing with 3 little cute monkeys. I guess we enjoyed yelling our lungs out in there, was quite a stress reliever. Plus it was just too damn cheap, but still I cannot imagine myself waking up so early to do that; I did though.

This is the study "camp" for many of you out there, and hope you do enough to make it worthwhile going to school. Don't go there and sleep your heads off. Do something constructive yea? Just for your information, things like digging your nose and drooling your whole table wet isn't what people categorize as "constructive". Think again =)

DDOJ:

So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"

Adios!

31st May Warm

2009-05-31T19:53:00.002+08:00

Last day before the school holiday starts, for most of you this will be a crucial period of studies. Try not to treat it as a real holiday, your nightmare is just about to begin. If it isn't a nightmare of studies to you YET, then I can safely ensure you, that all hell will break lose when school reopens.

Now its school holidays, next thing you'll know, its 1 week break, and then Prelims.

1 month after prelims, next thing you'll know, its first day of O levels first paper.

No time to procrastinate, because if you do, I'm not sure what will become of you.

Anyway, it was kinda pleasant surprise to see 3 monkeys show up at my place today, namely Semaj, Ynaffed and Nura. Show up in the middle of no where, and then finish all my xiao man tou, and then gone like the wind. They are so cute, in a weird way.

DDOJ:

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."

So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

- First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse...

Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

- Ok, now take off my skirt...

and he takes off her skirt.

- Now take off my bra...

which he does.

-And now, Johnny, please take off my panties.

and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says,

"Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"

Adios!

25th May Warm

2009-05-26T02:39:00.002+08:00

Went to watch Night at the Museum 2 with some ex-students, was an OK show. Pretty fun, just don't be too serious about it and I guess you will enjoy more. I had a good time waking up an uncle in the cinema behind my seat, he was snoring. I found it pretty hilarious myself, why would someone enter the cinema to sleep, barely 10 minutes into the show? Maybe he feels paying $8 is good enough for air-con and a good seat for 2 hrs of sleep. Apparently his plan failed, due to his snoring. Tough luck, better luck next time.

Quote from the Movie;
"The key to happiness, is to do what you love."

Seriously some of you, stop acting like an idiot, wake up and see what you are doing is bringing you happiness or not. Your fake artificial mask doesn't cover your pathetic thinking, and it leads you no where. Happiness is something you strive for, not given.

DDOJ:

Good, Bad, and Worse!!

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Worse: Your daughter has them.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Worse: You're in them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.

Good: Your son's finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Worse: So are you.

Good: You give the birds and bees speech to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Worse: With corrections.

Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.

Adios!

24th May Breeze

2009-05-25T00:43:00.003+08:00

It's been a weird day, I ended up taking in 2 new students, one of which I have made her stood outside the class before few years ago. Shes one crazy bean, but I think I can get use to it yea? She insists that I update this blog, so here I am to satisfy her little request.

And to Dion and gang, I think they'll be able to catch up to you guys soon enough yea. Not really like what you guys said, I think they'll pick up the subject fast enough. Don't get your ass owned by them in the next exam, or I'll personally enclose you guys into the same room as Dion for 1 day, and feed him Jenna Curry to increase his methane level potency.

DDOJ:

Joey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.

"Correct again." Says the teacher.

So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"

Adios!

17th May Warm

2009-05-18T00:43:00.002+08:00

Wake up to a lazy Sunday morning, and unexpectedly, the guys turn up in the morning. Ended up watching movie together at Bishan, well I guess after exams at least they do deserve a break.

Been watching drama the entire day, I think I'm beginning to transform into an Auntie soon. Nonetheless the drama was good, "Click入黃金屋" is a Hong Kong drama which talks about family life and how to treat each other's family members properly, and live happily together. Lots of things in it are actually true, but none that you emotionless kids are interested. Sigh, growing old is a pain in the butt.

Quote of the day:

There are people who unknowingly makes mistakes, and there are people who makes mistakes knowingly.

The first group can be changed, while the second group are untouchable, they already made their decisions, even if they know it's not what they should do. Just wish them good luck, we aren't obliged to be responsible for your own lives.

DDOJ:

Today's DDOJ is a little rude, but I find it so funny, I cannot resist posting it. If you wanna read on, just highlight below to read the DDOJ... u were warned =p
A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America.

She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?"

The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya"

And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum"

The guy says: "In that case follow me"

So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!"

So she picks up his dick, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?"

Adios!

13th May Cooling

2009-05-13T13:26:00.003+08:00

Today my mum pan fried the poor little fishes I caught the other day, and we had nasi lemak rice and long beans to go along!! Surprisingly the taste was fabulous, it was fried till the entire fish could be eaten except the middle bone. Really cool!!

DDOJ:

Two blondes are walking down the street.

One of the blondes gets a pocket mirror out to see how she's looking.

She says to her friend. "I recognise that person in the mirror"

Her friend says, "Let me have a look"

Then replies "Of course you do its me."

Adios!

10th May Warm

2009-05-10T20:49:00.003+08:00

I was taken quite aback by Jon Schimdt and his talent in song writing, merging both Love Story by Taylor Swift and Viva La Vida by Coldplay together in a wonderful piece of music on his Fazioli Piano with his friend Steven Sharp Nelson (cello percussion).

He wrote this song for his 7 yr old daughter who loves "Love Story", of which he brilliantly mixed in with Viva La Vida.

It is simply, wonderful. You be the judge of that.

DDOJ:

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."

"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Adios!

6th May Warm

2009-05-06T23:57:00.003+08:00

Today's class was all canceled due to exams, and as a result I decided to take revenge at the fishes again since yesterday's catch was.... lack lustrous...

Well... started with... 2 miserable small fishes....

... guess what..... ANOTHER EEL BY ANDREW!!!

... and the final catches of the day.... I won by numbers... Andrew won by size... my conclusion?

Alot of small fishes to fry for nasi lemak...

Muahaha revenge for yesterday's lousy catch.

DDOJ:

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a short nap. Although she isn't familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says,"Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing?"

"Reading my book," she replies, thinking isn't that obvious?

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you do have all the equipment."

Adios!

5th May Warm

2009-05-06T00:18:00.002+08:00

For the first time in many months, I went fishing again. So many interesting happened while I'm there, so I'll be a nice guy and list it out in point form.

- Vehicle got stuck in pot hole, and we have to push the car out

- I got the first fish, but my legs got attacked by red ants while reeling in

- Proved once again I am the cat fish king

- My friend fished up an......... eel...? .....snake? Freaking GROSS

My fishing experience once again ends up... unproductive yet FUN again !!!
I guess its all about the company, and less about fishing.
I believe its true for whatever you do, its all about the company you are with. =)

Mid-year exams are starting, I hope this mid-year is a good shocker for all of you, some for the better, some... its good to let you know you are not working hard enough yet. Time to rev up your engines after seeing your results.

I wish you guys all bad luck, so that you can see all the possible mistakes you made, and learn from them and hopefully not repeat them again. All the things you've done wrong, shows where you should be focusing your attention on in revision of your studies.

Work hard, study smart.

DDOJ:

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper.
Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either !
Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper didn't you ?
Pupil: How did you know ?
Teacher: Fred's paper says "I don't know" and you have put "Me, neither"!
Father: How did your exams go ?
Son: I got nearly 100 in every subject.
Father: What do you mean, nearly 100 ?
Son: I was just a digit out; I averaged 10!

Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test
Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you !

Adios!

28th Apr COLD

2009-04-29T00:52:00.003+08:00

Days without the Night,
akin to Happiness without Unhappiness.
One without the other,
lacks the contrast needed to define each other.

Life's a piece of shit,
Sweet, Sour, Spicy and Salty digested and released in the end.
When you finally looked at it,
everything's still a piece of shit.

But whoever says we can't be happy living this shitty life,
must be cynical and have shit for brains.
Life isn't what's given to us,
life is what we make it out to be.

Masters of our own life,
like a Chef preparing a gourmet with ingredients of life.
How the dish would taste,
depends on what ingredients we placed into it all the time.

If our life is like a firework,
Don't just die out like a matchstick's little flare.
Damn the shits in life,
Burn brightly and show the most colorful display of yourself.

If life's a piece of shit,
then I want to have the best piece.

What say you then?

DDOJ:

Damn Pathetic Pick Up Lines.....

I lost my teddy bear will you sleep whith me ?

I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

Can I borrow your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.

Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Be unique and different, say yes.

Are your pants from outer space? 'cause your butt is out of this world.

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

I must be in heaven cause I've seen an angel

You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.

I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.

I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

Adios!

27th Apr Warm

2009-04-27T22:10:00.002+08:00

Started the day with a lazy yawn. As usual.

Roughly 2 weeks left till Mid-years. I wonder if this pig virus will spread to Taiwan so that I won't have to go for overseas training...

DDOJ:

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".

"I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

Adios!

Happy Birthday, although you don't know about this blog, nonetheless I wish you a blissful year ahead.

21st Apr Warm

2009-04-21T21:05:00.002+08:00

Today received some news that 2 of my monkeys managed to score full marks in their recent test. I am glad for them, and also actually pretty happy.

I have to point out that you scored full marks because you put in the effort to work hard and do work, without that, you couldn't have achieved it.

With this in mind, I would like to point out to the other students. Results of your hard work and tuition doesn't come overnight or instantaneously. If you continue to work hard, and try to catch up by following what you are being taught and told to, it will eventually show it's results sooner or later.

If you are over-contented, and you only practice POA once a week, 2 hrs at my place ONLY, I am very sorry to say you are severely underestimating the exams. Nobody can achieve good results without ample studies.

With that, congratz again to the 3 monkeys, I'm really glad you are satisfied you finally see results now. Love you guys.

DDOJ:

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.

The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."

Adios!

20th Apr Warm

2009-04-20T13:20:00.002+08:00

Hey Happy Birthday Jocelyn Sim, and happy first day of school too.
Don't go around flipping tables around in Poly ok, try flipping desks this time.

I promised Annej I would remix the song Built to Last for her condition right now, I'm sure shes happily having her bread diet right now.

I've looked for bread in stranger places,
but never found a bread like you.
Some bread whose taste makes me feel I've been holding back,
and now there's nothing I can eat.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms my inside just like it should,
but most of all~ most of all~ my bread is cute~

All of my friends saw from the start,
So why didn't i believe it too?
Whoa yeah! now look what i'm doin'
Bread's in my stomach now.
And there's no escaping it for you.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all~ most of all~ I got no choice~

Don't worry Annej, your allergy will go away soon, and hope this song gives your bread more tastes.

DDOJ:

The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"Shit" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

Adios!

19th Apr Warm HOT Warm

2009-04-19T21:15:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow marks the first day of school for many of my ex students from last year, here on, I will give you some kind advices to start your school with.

- make lots of friends and don't be anti social,

- 3 years of your tertiary life will zoom past faster then your sec school life so enjoy it to the fullest,

- nobody's watching you anymore but it doesn't means you shouldn't behave,

- be nice, and don't start all the adult nonsenses, you aren't an adult yet,

- poly life is not easier then JC life, if you think it that way, you'll do badly,

- study smart, and use what I thought you to make your own notes during lectures and tutorials,

- .............. (and chat with me on msn now and then, I'll miss you guys)

DDOJ:

Jack and Jill Rhyme

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,

Jack got high,
pulled down his fly,
and asked Jill if she wanna.

Jill said yes,
pulled up her dress,
and had a little fun.

But stupid Jill forgot the pill,
and now they have a son

Adios!

18th Apr WARM WARM WARM

2009-04-18T13:31:00.002+08:00

I've put up a second post, simply because of this video.

I have to be very frank, the video is really touching, go watch it and feel what it feels to be extra-ordinary, and believing in yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY&feature=related

18th Apr Warm

2009-04-18T09:33:00.003+08:00

Finally too many people have been telling me those pictures of Dion are too gross to keep up in my blog, hence I shall wash it away with another post.

Mixed feelings post.

Recently I've been getting to realize that in this world, there are really those kind of people you see in the drama. People who are extremely kind, and people who are really bad to the bones. For those people who just seemingly cannot think straight, and just lie their entire life, they are really the sad people living on this globe. Their whole life is a lie. They cannot achieve much without lying, even their very existence is a lie.

Dramas often portray these people as not having a good ending. Life is like a drama, we won't know the ending until we live till the end and see it for ourselves. However, that's only the negative side of living. There are still some dramas with villainous characters turning for the better at the end, it is just a matter of sooner or later, or even Never.

If you have such people around you, my advice to you is not to discard these people from your life. Help them if you can, if you can't, just be quiet and don't do anything unnecessary to them. Their life isn't yours, and you do not have to worry for them.

If they were to live a sad life, you do not have to live it with them.

Enough of those crap people in our lives, we should always look at the positive side of life and see the world in a more colorful kaleidoscope. Always better things to do and think about, try not to be a sucker and live happily, my friends.

DDOJ:

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan..."

Adios!

12th April Rainy

2009-04-12T12:11:00.004+08:00

I started my day of teaching with.....

..
....
......... let the picture speak for itself.....

Guess what it is???
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...
..
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...
..
.Still cannot guess from this picture???
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...
..
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...
..
.
By now you should be able to guess what is is... but do YOU know who it is???
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...
..
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...
..
.
小馒头 in the freaking nose.
Picture speaks a thousand words.
So true.

Look what these spastic people do everyday at class...

Kinda makes you whether I should use those insults in my earlier posts on them or not ehh? Kinda fitting if you ask me! Once again, a picture speaks a thousand words....

DDOJ:

While walking along a beach, a man finds a lamp and rubs it off.

A genie appears and offers to grant the man one wish.

The man replys, "What about three?" The genie retorts " Look pal, I'm in a hurry, I've been cooped up in that damn lamp for. . ."

"OK, alright" the guy responds.

"Tell you what, I'm tired of paying for airplane tickets to Hawaii. I'd like you to build a bridge from California to Hawaii."

This pisses the genie off.

He screams, "Hey, this isn't the movies. Your wish has to be practical."

"Do you know the engineering it would take to design that, the materials it would take, you'd have to compensate for plate techtonics, the continental shelf. . ."

"Geez" the guy responds, "Well, I'd really like to understand women."

The genie responds "Did you want two lanes or four? "

Adios!

9th April Warm

2009-04-09T15:09:00.000+08:00

Totally Melted.

1st April Warm

2009-04-02T01:56:00.002+08:00

Happy April Fools Day!

Anyway, all my MSN contacts were deleted, some kinda virus has invaded my hotmail I think, and none of any contacts were left behind. All killed.

So kindly add me back into MSN again if you ever want to talk to me in MSN again yea?

DDOJ:

This is some funny students insults I found on the net.
I pray I'll never have to use them on anybody LOL.
Take it with a pinch of salt, its just jokes =p

It's impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

I would not allow this student to breed.

Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

Adios!

31st Mar Warm

2009-04-01T03:08:00.002+08:00

It was a warm day yet again, started air-con 2 hrs before tuition to let the room be cooler before the group arrives. Its acting weird, probably needs servicing soon. Good news to the munchers, I replenished my snacks, they are back in action now. Go Go Xiao Man Tou!!

Remix of "You had a Bad Day"
(switch on this song to listen while you read the lyrics)

Where is the studies we needed the most
You kick up a fuss and the fun is all lost
They tell me your grades all fade to RED
They tell me your A's have gone away
And tuition do you care or not?

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile as you see your marks gone
You tell me your work's been way off line
P.O.A failing every time
And I don't need to say no more~

Because you had a bad grade
You're taking F9
You sing this sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work with a smile and you came for a class
You can't be that suay
but exams don't lie
You're starting over and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
We'll make it one day

DDOJ:

A Firing Squad at Execution side.

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde get captured and are placed before a firing squad.

They are about to be executed and the brunette says "Look...Hurricane" and points to her left while she gets away.

The redhead girl says "Look...Tornado", points and gets away.

Finally the blonde tries to do the same thing she says "FIRE"

Adios!

29th Mar Rainy

2009-03-30T02:28:00.002+08:00

What is the reason for living?

I heard these somewhere;

- to enjoy and live free,

- to build paths for our future generations,

- to bring happiness to others,

- for my boyfriend/girlfriend (dumbest reason)

- for my *so and so* (next dumbest reason)

- for what they believe in,

- for the people who believes in him,

To me, my reason for living is simple.

- to leave a legacy behind in this world to proof that I once exists

DDOJ:

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I stilll love her." He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.

The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter.

Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.

He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".

Adios!

28th Mar Warm

2009-03-29T01:17:00.003+08:00

I was highly impressed and inspired by a designer story that I've heard of tonight, and I think it will be a good sharing experience for all of you, friends and students alike.

There is this top-notch designer from Japan, his achievements are something so colossal that it would take days to talk about his endless passion for his work.

If you are a designer, or is aspiring to be a designer or architect. You would be thinking, you love arts, and you love designing. But how many of you lost track of your passion during the course of schooling or working? Many designers will now have deadlines, and deadlines, and more deadlines to meet, where their love for designs have waned so much over the years, that it has become merely a job to them to do what they do, and less because of their love for it.

This particular designer, even though I have never met him in real life, puts his designing work as an ultimate art piece to him, something he can show his passion, endless talents, pride and enthusiasm to its fullest. To him, the sky isn't even the limit. He is limitless.

When challenges and hurdles are placed in front of him, he takes it in his stride, and carry on his life without as much as a complain. A challenge, to him, is something to be conquered, and not complained.

When he was doing a particular design in one of our local shopping centers, he was placed with so much difficulties and restrictions to his design of a shop, that it would almost seem impossible to utilize that little space, and make it an attraction in the busy mall. Times and again, his designs beat the impossible, and he made a really beautiful piece of artwork, combined with retailing sense, and a wonderful mixture of fashion and attraction that I couldn't help it, but to really be impressed by his love for his job. Maybe to him, it is not even a job, it is his life.

Imagine if your design has been finalized, and you started working on building your prototype. Then someone comes along and said, the core of your design MUST be changed and is not accepted. What would you do?

Frankly speaking, these are sadly what most people do;

- try their best to argue with the management to accept his design

- complain that it isn't fair, and complains endlessly without a thought of how to improve your situation

- give up

What this designer did, was something so simple, and yet so admiring.
He accepted what the management told him about him changing his design, and continue to works on how to amend and change his designs so that it wouldn't affect his art work, but still meet the requirements of the management.

Without complains, he works on. His designs continue to show his unlimited talent. Times and again, such hurdles and difficulties come into his path, but he never utter a word of complain, and yet still show people what he is made of.

To me, I could learn from him as much as you guys could too.

This coming September reservists, I shouldn't be thinking of whether I can be taken out of it or not. Rather, I should be thinking of how to improve my lessons to make you guys learn better and thus prepare you for O levels before I leave.

I was guilty of losing track of what I have set out to do. If you guys are prepared enough, I wouldn't have to be afraid of leaving you guys to be on your own for your big exams. I should self-reflect.

But what the hell, I'll be losing alot of money that way, damn all that reservists thingy. (I'm complaining again)

DDOJ:

There was a flood in a village.

One man said to everyone, "I'll stay! God will save me!"

The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said "Come on mate, get in!"

"No" replied the man. God will save me!

The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house.

A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help."

No, God will save me!" he said

Eventually he died by drowning.

He got by the gates of heaven and he said to God "Why didn't you save me?"

God replied, "For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want!"

Adios!

26th Mar Warm

2009-03-27T00:21:00.002+08:00

Relaxing day today.

Yesterday was my friend's birthday, went down for dinner and had to cancel class. Happy birthday Eric! =)

Anyway, most of the groups have already been starting on tackling how to approach O level exams questions already. Finally showed you guys the horror of TPL and Balance Sheet. During the exams it'll be all worth it for all these shitty practices, I promise.

Had an attempt to eat McDonalds in front of 2 hungry poor boys during the evening. Try as they might to ignore my food temptations, they are constantly tortured by me for that 10 full minutes of eating.

Heres a good incident,

T**F***: No I won't be affected by your eating!!!

Me: Oafffffhh.... Really.... (starts munching on my Big Mac)

T**F***: .............

Me: Yer know it's really nice.... (starts squeezing the mayo and chili out)

T**F***: .... good thing i'm a buddhist, can't eat beef anyway........

Me: Then all the more you shouldn't be affected right? (takes a big bite......)
Ahhhhh mmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........
Youfff knofff thiffs isff really gooof stuff..... (you know this is really good stuff)

T**F***: .... dammit why I have this kind of teacher...

Me: I think a better question would be why you keep coming back to me still. (continue munching)

T**F***: ......... NO I WON'T BE AFFECTED

Me: (wraps away the wrapper and starts pouring out the fries)

T**F***: .... how come suddenly I got alot of saliva gathering in my mouth...... shit....

Me: Oh you can have the fries too if you want to, really (i did the eyebrow thingy)

T**F***: ..... NO I WON'T BE AFFECTED

Me: thats too bad then.... (tored open the curry sauce)

T**F***: .... how come my balance sheet looks so wrong... how come my current assets got nothing in it...

K**Vin: WTF bro, why you put all your current assets items into Fixed Assets???

Me: Hahahahahahahahaha.. Bwahahahahaha... HEHEHEHE WAAHAHAHAHA

K**Vin: .... and you just said you won't be affected by him?

T**F***: ........ dammit.....

I suppose I kinda train their mental strengths too and ability to control themselves? But I guess T**F*** needs more training obviously...

DDOJ:

Blonde Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement.

He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.The blonde started laughing.This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.This time the blonde laughed even harder.Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Adios!

22nd Mar Warm

2009-03-23T02:59:00.002+08:00

Sunday as usual, lessons from morning till evening.

A word of advice to my new kids studying for exams, a few points to note:

- studying is good, but not having enough rest will impede your learning speed.
- having too much rest will not only impede but stop your learning speed totally.
- have lots of sleep. (at least i know some of you can do this faithfully)
- have lots of food, not within 2 hrs before bed.
- have lots of water. (water parade)
- have lots of quick small entertaining chats with friends. (to refresh your tired brain)
- have lots of fun.

Holidays are over, start raving your engines now. Its time to be fast and furious into studying too.

DDOJ:

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

You know, the strange part was, I know people who aren't blondes, but can be seemingly more dumb and bitchy then any you could find. However he/she/it seems to be enjoying it, so I hope he/she/it leads a happy life bumping around.

Adios!

19th Mar GLOOMY

2009-03-19T17:00:00.002+08:00

The verdict has been released, the dreadful news has been received by post this afternoon.

I will be going to Taiwan for Army reservists from September 17 to October 11.

It will be smack in the middle of the N levels, and 1 month before O levels, which is in midst of your prelims. Sucky eh? I got no choice.

Anyway, I will try to ask them to put me off this overseas training for you guys, but I cannot guarantee it will be successful. Hence, I hope you guys will work hard first before I go, only then I can go off to Taiwan without worries.

Sigh.

So sad.

DDOJ:

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"

"Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."

"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too."

"I'd like to see that."

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"

"Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:

"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

I wish I could say that to my commander... hah

Adios!

17th Mar Warm

2009-03-17T20:01:00.003+08:00

Just came back from Langkawi, and I swear that place is warmer and more scorching then Singapore, but its still a nice get-away I guess. The natural reserves are pretty cool, but the Taiwan ones are way better. However, you can't apple with oranges, different places though.

Anyway I got something for everyone, so come claim your prizes =)

DDOJ: (I made this myself)

Remix of Circus by Britney Spears

Theres only 2 types of people in the world
The ones that teach, and the ones that observe
Well Baby, I'm a put-on-a-show kinda tutor
Don't like the mundane work, gotta be qwerk

I'm like a ring leader, I CALL THE SHOTS
I'm like a firecracker, I make it HOT
When I put on a class

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins
Sunlight on me and I'm ready to wake
I'm like a performer, the classroom is my stage
Better be ready, hope that you feel the SAME

All eyes on me in the center of the ROOM just like a circus
When I shake that fingah everyone gonna trip just like a circus
Don't stand there watchin me, follow me, show me what you can do
Everybody let go, we can make a classroom just like a circus.

So animals, ready for classes? =)

Adios!

11th Mar Windy

2009-03-12T01:08:00.003+08:00

Today I had 2 funny incidents in class.

Incident #1.

Ken was so excited about the financial ratios memorising test that the moment he stepped into the room, he keep chanting this...

"Bo~ pung chance bo pung chance~ Bo~ pung chance bo pung chance~"

For all you sec 5s who know what the punishment was... you obviously know what he was refering to by chanting all that, because Chong Meng was not prepared.

Guess what... in the end he also needed to copy!
This is call... "Kiang Jiu Ho!!! Mai Geh Kiang!!!"

Incident #2

Chong Meng obviously gave up even trying, so he had to copy all the ratios 20 times each, and there was a total of 11 ratios, and thus.... I let the picture do the talking...

Congratulations Chong Meng, for breaking my record on copying financial ratios!

Your name shall go down in history, an unbroken record of a whooping 220 times you copied!!!

DDOJ:

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.

Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?"

"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the fucking goalie."

Adios!

8th Mar Great Weather Great Day!!!

2009-03-09T00:19:00.002+08:00

First of all....

Congratulations Mr and Mrs Chan!!!!

You had one of the most wonderful weddings I'm sure, and wish you both a blissful marriage happily ever after. Joaquim you look like a princess, although Steve looks like a Mafia. Bwahahaha look after her well, don't make my drinking for you tonight go to waste or I'll murder you!!!

Congratulations again bro, looking forward to your first kid. =)

DDOJ specially for you both:

Marriage Quotes!!!

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

Adios!

6th Mar WARM

2009-03-06T22:09:00.002+08:00

My condolences to one of my friend for his grandpa passed away peacefully yesterday morning.

Went reservists in the afternoon, it wasn't good news.

To my students, I may have to go Taiwan for training on the 17th September to 11th October, which is smack in the middle of N levels and O levels. Almost a month. I will try my best to be here, but I cannot say for sure, so my job is to train you guys before September, to get your A in accounts.

Freak bird shitted on my head when I was walking home. However, my reaction to that was very much a surprise to me even till now. I think I am finally doing what I always say.

Some of you who had good talks with me, might knew I always stress "Change what you can change, and don't let things that you cannot change affect you or your thinking and decisions"

In turn, what happen earlier was simple.

The freak bird shitted and it dropped on my head, smack on.

My first reaction.... "oh, bird shit"
Next reaction..........."get to the coffeeshop wash it away"
Third reaction..........."how come my reaction so calm"
Fourth reaction..........."i'm so gonna blog this"

To me, some people's reaction might turn out to be growing hysterical in the middle of the road, cursing and swearing and scolding all kinds of language bad words that you can find or know. However, doing all those only anger ourselves, and doesn't do anything productive and most certainly don't help the situation. What they should be focusing on, should be how to remedy the situation, and make the necessary changes fast enough.

My army's CO (Commanding Officer) said this today which I feel is very true.

In this world, you have to change faster then other people, or else you will be out of the race.

Which essentially means we need to constantly improve ourselves, staying stagnant is the most dangerous situation you can put yourself in, no matter how comfortable you may be with it.

I would advise all my friends and students, that changes comes from action and not talks. Knowledge without wisdom, is the same as plans without action. If you ever want to get something done, make plans and provisions. If you ever want to find the goal in your own life, make simple and achievable plans and provisions too. After all, talk is god damn cheap.

DDOJ:

SPOD (Stupid People of the Day)

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this
woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring
her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at
the end of the conversation happened to mention that she
gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill
the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter
in to the ER right away.

*********************************

Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the
field decided to steal a life raft from one of the
747s airplane. They were successful in getting it out of the
plant and home. When they took it for a float on the
Stilliguamish River, they were quite surprised by a coast
guard helicopter homing in on the emergency locator that
is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer
employed here.

********************************

The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static
electricity to his class at MIT. While holding a plastic
rod in one hand and a wool cloth in the other, he told the
class, "You can see that I get a large charge from rubbing
my rod..." That was pretty much the end of learning for
that day.

********************************

I worked for a while at a Walmart store, selling
sporting goods. As an employee of Walmart you are
sometimes required to make storewide pages, e.g.,"I have
a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the paint
counter." One night a tentative female voice came over
the intercom system with the following message: "I have
a customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance."

*********************************

A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching
or speeders. But one day, everyone was under the speed
limit, the officer found the problem: a 10 year old boy
was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand
painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." A little
more investigative work led the officer to the boy's
accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar
trap with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket at his feet, full of change.

*********************************

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for
a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd
lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under
the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire
floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He
proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As
he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said,
handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the
hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my Bugsy."

Adios!

3rd Mar Gloomy Cloudy

2009-03-03T12:51:00.002+08:00

Brought mom to the polyclinic to do check up, and chance upon this beautiful phrase, which I think works for everyone, students and friends alike.

"It doesn't matter how slowly we go, so long as we don't stop."

For some of you, it really doesn't matter how fast or slow you learn, it's more a matter of whether you keep trying, or give up some point in time.

DDOJ:

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't
people from Holland called "Holes?"

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a
whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs?
Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and
you put your two cents in, what happens to the other
penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a
broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just
stale bread to begin with.

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist,
but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean
to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,
tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1
billion stars in the universe you will believe them,
but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have
to touch it to be sure?

Adios!

1st Mar Rainy

2009-03-01T23:21:00.003+08:00

I'm totally hooked to this song, due to someone. Shes to blame for getting me hooked to this song. I love this song so much I'm gonna post the lyrics here.

However be warned, it's adult content and please do not view if you are highly allergic to abusive words or if your eyes will rot from reading trash. However if you feel this is everyday language to you, and can take a little bit of twisted humor, please place your cursor under this paragraph, and highlight the lyrics to make it appear.

Otherwise... if you are offended by such stuff, go read the lyrics, that's my message to you.

G W B - Lily Allen

GWB (Fuck You Very Much) Lyrics

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
and look a bit harder
cause we’re so uninspired
so sick and tired
of all the hatred you harbor

so you say it’s not okay to be gay
well I think you’re just evil
you’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces
you’re point of view is medieval

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch

do you get, do you get a little kick out of being small-minded?
you want to be like your father
it’s approval you’re after
well that’s not how you’ll find it

do you, do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful
cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
you’re losing control of it
and it’s really distasteful

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch

You say, you think we need to go to war
Well you're already in one.
Cause it's people like you that need to get sued
No-one wants your opinion

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch

Well that's about it, sometimes I wish I can sing this song to some people I know. Sometimes people like this do exists, and they can hardly get out of it.

I would sing this song in their face loudly and cheerfully, while smiling and waving my hand at them.

DDOJ:

Once upon a time there was a blonde. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over. "That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.

"Well thank you.", said the herder.

"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.

"Okay.", replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman.

"Sure.", said the sheep herder. So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".

"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".

"What is it?", queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"

Adios!

26th Feb Rainy

2009-02-26T19:37:00.003+08:00

Its been raining alot lately,
Which I think is cool really.
Weather has turn for the better,
Which for me doesn't really matter.
My students turn up cold and wet,
While I sit in my room, no sweat!
I know I'm bad,
but please you guys don't be sad.
I'll give you cookies to nibble,
and place a bottle of green tea on the table.
So don't feel sad and mad,
cause I'm glad I'm not you guys who are drenched and wet.

I found this picture on one of the movies, which I believe if you look at it, it should resemble someone whom you know. Not all of you will know who, but I'm sure those who do, will immediately know who it is.

So the picture !!!!

So what do you think?? =p

DDOJ for Daryl who is going to Bintan:

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine 
the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. 
As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be 
cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the 
longest private part he had ever seen! 
 
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you
off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this.
It has to be saved for posterity." 
 
With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's
schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. 
 
The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to 
show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. 
 
"Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"

Adios!

25th Feb rainy

2009-02-26T02:52:00.002+08:00

Surprisingly, it was a heavy downpour in the late afternoon. I couldn't even see the opposite block and it was a big patch of white rain covering the view of my window.

Anyway, today I heard a really funny thing. However due to protecting the identity crap thingy again, I shall use anonymous name again. I heard this secondary school Iyed had talks, and 1 of it was talking about growing taller by sleeping more. Obviously it doesn't work for everyone, it does for me, but certainly a big doubt for others like Gniyib! I almost couldn't stop laughing when I heard it, but it made my rainy day full of flowers blossoming... I think I'm evil but I guess I'm getting used to it now.

As to the others, I have to admit I think I'm having fun with the current batch just as much as the previous one. But huh Sam, does it thrill you so much that this old man here has people entertaining him everyday? Hahaha...

DDOJ:

A little girl was walking along a beach in California when
she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper
covering his genitals.

The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?"

The man said, "Nothing, it's just a bird, now go away!"

The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep.

Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excrutiating pain.
"Where the hell am I?"

A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergency
help, so we rushed you right over."

"Well, what the hell happened to me?"

"We don't know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happening
to you today?"

The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me just
before I fell asleep." 

The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl was
still there, and she was. The person said, "Do you know what happened
to that nice man you saw here earlier?"

"Well," the little girl said, "I started to play with that nice little
bird that he had and the damn thing spit on me. So, I wrung its neck,
broke its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"

Adios!

2009-02-21T23:31:00.003+08:00

This video is an old old OLD video that was introduced to me by an old friend. I've shown it to many of my kids, and most of them loved it. So since so many of you love it, I'll show it to you on my blog.

Its in cantonese by the way.

Ohyea, today I had a fun time with 2 crazy girls studying in my room. What made it so fun was I could practically scare them again and again and again without fail. To protect their identity, I have to use fictional names. So Nylrehs and Annej was my victim today, but the best reaction award goes to Annej!!!

Anyway, enough blabbering.

DDOJ:

A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning.
He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the
next Monday. "Downsizing."

He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it
doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to
figure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill
standing at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be
one of them."

He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does.
Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's
in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to
think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and
Jill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye.

"Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good. Is everything
okay?"
He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. I
can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off."

And she looks at him and says "Well I have to catch a bus, so i suggest
you jack off.

Adios!

18th Feb Warm

2009-02-19T02:15:00.007+08:00

Washed my crab's tank today. I think its a little long overdue. Its been living in it's own shit for the past 2 weeks I think, long overdue is an understatement I guess.

His so busy drinking water and playing in the fresh water inside the tank, I think his wetting his pants. I think he misses his stone too, so I placed back 1 stone for him. Maybe for Sun Tanning purposes. He has been complaining about his new nickname, so he wanna get darker.

Cannot blame him, I would feel the same if I were given that girlish nickname too.

DDOJ:

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts
her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there
already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go
outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't, I sold my
baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends
like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take
you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father
makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now."

Adios!

13th Feb "Friday the 13th"

2009-02-14T02:20:00.004+08:00

I don't think I've ever met such a black friday the 13th before. The night's out was totally ruined. Followed friend to meet his colleague at Double O, only to find that his friend decided to leave us on the first floor looking like idiots standing waiting for nothing, while they are upstairs happily drinking and making merry, haha. To me its a memory worth remembering, as it was pretty funny to me. If I was a bystander, I think I would laugh at myself too. Totally wasted night.

Anyway, tomorrow is a better day.

Hope you guys all have a happy valentines. Don't forget that valentines isn't only for lovers, they are for friends too! You guys enjoy, and live it to the fullest ya, make it a memorable day everyday! =)

DDOJ:

"Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl."

                                        - Mike Adams

Adios!

10th Feb Windy

2009-02-11T01:38:00.004+08:00

Today I started class with 3 pretty mad people, who has been laughing since their first step into my humble house. I don't know whether they ate any laughing gas, but they were hysterical the entire day!

In any case, after their group came the legendary girl which I've known long ago, yet don't know her until now. Plus, she called my pet some gay name. Mind you, my pet is a GUY. You call him Purplie for WHAT !!! He was complaining to me la, after your lesson he got such a big traumatic experience he turned blue.

SIGH.

DOUBLE SIGH.

DDOJ:

My wife and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed
one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three- year-old
Billy's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically.
He had accidentally swallowed a coin and was sure he was going
to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my wife took a penny that she happened
to have in her pocket and pretended to pull it out from Billy's ear.
Billy was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from my wife's hand, swallowed it and
demanded cheerfully,
"Do it again, mum!"

Adios!

8th Feb Windy Windy Very Windy

2009-02-09T02:00:00.003+08:00

Its Sunday again, the usual Monday's tomorrow, and then Friday's next, and then Monday's tomorrow, and Friday's next. Rinse and repeat.

Many of my group's starting with the dreaded Double Entry.
Left hand right hand rule.
I wonder how long they'll take to be good in it, I hope it is sooner then later, its getting boring even for me... Haha.

DDOJ:

 A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
 doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds.  Next thing he sees is an
 advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program.  Guaranteed like
 heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
 He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
 loss program.

 The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
 there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
 dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
 neck.  She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
 company.  The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
 without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
 A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has
 his way with her.  After they are through he kisses the girl one last
 time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
 does business.

 For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
 happens each time.  On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
 enough, he has lost 10 pounds.  Deciding that he likes his somewhat
 more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he
 calls the company back  and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
 loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
 like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
 be like this time.

 As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
 answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
 a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
 stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.  She introduces
 herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
 reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
 shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch
 her.  But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze.  She is
 wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to
 the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up
 and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight.  On the
 sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
 pounds.  I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew
 losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.

 Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
 subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are
 you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
 rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't
 felt  this good in years!  The next day there comes a knock at his
 door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
 and a sign around his neck.  He introduces himself as a representative
 of the weight loss company.

 The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.

Adios!

5th Feb Air Con Breezing

2009-02-05T22:13:00.002+08:00

A special request from my new student in the house, she wanted me to write something really good about her. So from what I can recollect, I'll do my best here. To keep her identity safe, I'll use a fictional name.

10 things about Surelin (I tried my best!!)

1. 100% bubbly
2. 200% chatty
3. 300% fun
4. Likes to type in CAPS
5. Favorite phrase in msn is "HAHAHAHAHA"
6. Next favorite phrase is "LOL LOL LOL"
7. Likes to tie ribbons on other people's pet
8. Has a pair of eyes.
9. 1 nose.
10. Surprisingly... 1 mouth

A student that I punished long long LONG ago when I was still teaching in some fictional school call Iyed Secondary that wears blue in year 2007. Surprisingly, I get to see the whole bunch back during CNY celebration in school.

I think that kinda calls for a celebration ehhhHHH???

DDOJ:

The Perfect Worker

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle.  Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues.  Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time.  Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks.  Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field.  I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with.  Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today.  Kindly re-read only the odd numbered
lines.

Adios!

3rd Feb Windy

2009-02-04T02:25:00.003+08:00

I just realised I haven't been keeping up with my blog, maybe it was because I used to only keep my blogs for my students to read. Majority of them left their secondary school lives already, I think its time for my new batch to continue reading my nonsense.

Anyway, its already February, the last feb went past so fast and it was already O levels.

One of my crabs died right after my birthday, damn mosquitoes got in and corrupted the water, poor crabby with 7 legs died soon after. Now its only 1 left, I wonder how long he'll last under my students' daily abuse of overfeeding. If he manages to grows to akin a Sri Lanka crab size, I'll be pretty amazed considering what the aquarium boss told me about it not being able to grow.

Another wednesday tomorrow.

Nonetheless, good luck and good job getting into your choices of schools, wish you guys the best in whatever you do in the future.

DDOJ:

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"

"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure" 

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um......equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we 
can get to work."

"Tripod?????"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she fainted!!"

Adios!
P.S. incase you guys don't know, go search the meaning of a surrogate. =p

14th Jan Windy

2009-01-15T03:18:00.002+08:00

First of all, thanks alot for all you guys for the wonderful birthday I had today.

Thanks Sindy, Wayne and Amy for all the undying friendship through the years and Jack's Place dinner, Luv you all lots!

Thanks Amos, Ting Ting, Junjie, Chong Meng, Ken and Vincent for the chocolate cake, it is the only cake I have eaten through my birthday, and its exceptionally SWEET. (you guys kiss me one more time I swear i'm going to kick your ass to Johor)

Thanks Dionne, Yanting, Xintian, Mr Soon, Alicia, Shuana, Monica, Germaine, Huixian, James, Pamela, Deffany, Ryan, Celine, Hon Hey, Melissa, Sophie, Ruiyuan, Jeremy, Daryl, Arun, Seow Hung for the wonderful gathering dinner, I swear I enjoy this more then anything.

Day ends off with a drinking session with Alex, Adeline, Dave, Anthony and Catherine, thanks for the drink Miao! I swear also that my drinking standard changed from "SUCKS" to "SWALLOW".

Thanks also for all the birthday wishes through out the day, I hope we'll all keep in contact, and luv you guys lots.

Again, I'm gonna miss you guys, my ex-students.
Hope you all get into what you want.

THANK YOU, Terima Kasei, Arigato Gozaimasu, Gam sia, tank cute tank cute!!!

DDOJ:

What did you get for your birthday?

Another year!! (duh)

Adios!!!

11th Jan Windy

2009-01-11T14:56:00.003+08:00

It has been a long time since I last updated my blog. I guess its resurrection time!

O level results will be out tomorrow, I know you guys are going to be getting at least a little excited over it. Remember I told you guys that O levels will be over and you'll move on to your next phase of life very soon, "in a blink of an eye"? Go ahead to blink, its more then just over.

I am not worried about you guys' results. You guys are my 2nd batch, and for a few of you, my first batch of students. You have all been mugging, and studying, reading, memorising.... lazing... playing... EMOing... BUSY BUSY BUSY !!!!

I trust you guys will do more then what you expected. Of cause if your standard is that high, then no point telling you this. For those who already got direct admission, good for you. For those who doesn't, if you need help in deciding what course to take, and what's the next road for you to walk on, I am always here.

Like I said the last year, I am no longer your teacher. We'll be friends, and friends will always be there for you when you need it.

Lastly good luck for your O level results.

Keep me updated about your results, I would love to go out to have dinner or lunch with you guys some times.

Miss you guys lots.

DDOJ:

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend has been cheating on her for some time. In a fit of rage she visits a local gun shop and buys a pistol. She then takes the gun to her boyfriend's apartment to confront him with her suspicions.

As she arrives, she hears amorous moans coming from within the apartment. In a rage she bursts in and finds her boyfriend making love to a woman on the floor in front of her.

She reaches into her purse to retrieve the weapon and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. In her grief she raises the gun to her own head. The boyfriend jumps up and begins to plead with her not to end it all. She cocks the gun, looks him angrily in the eye and says, "Sit down and shut up, you're next!"

Adios!!

13th Dec Breeze

2008-12-14T04:52:00.004+08:00

It was a fun filled night fishing with my bro Allan and his friend. Caught a total of 15 cat fishes, which we gave away as we don't eat them, and 1 Marine Catfish, which my dad just told me earlier before I went out that he wants it. I'm not too sure of what the name is, but its supposedly the better catfish which is really good... I hope my mum knows how to cook it...

Anyway the 6hrs I was there, every so often, there was action. Lines and bells are screaming and people landing big fishes (except me... only small ones). However I was using my very light tackle, and it was really good due to it being light, I could feel small fishes fight it out with me. Best fight was the marine catfish, line nearly broke if not for the friendly Malay beside me helping me get it out of the jetty onto the land.

Well I took some pictures, you'll see!

The Marine Catfish I caught with my light tackle.

Next is the comparison of size with a 1.5 litre bottle.

Next is the light tackle... its a telescopic rod with absolutely not much strength to get fishes that is a little bigger then normal. It gave me a really good fight with the fishes!! Best part? Its only a $10 rod... hehehe.

Well it was a fun filled night, so much action with my light tackle.

Getting late, moving on to DDOJ!

Adios!!